I had big plans for this blog in late June. I was planning an 8-day bike trip to Columbus, OH for our Mennonite Church USA convention. I hoped to blog each evening about the people I met, conversations I had, and spiritual reflections that came to be along the way.
A week before the trip was to start, I was discovered to have high blood pressure. My doctor recommended not attempting such a rigorous adventure until my pressure could be stabilized to a better level. While disappointed, God did use this time for spiritual reflection in a powerful way.
Here are some highlights (shared during a sermon/testimonial on July 12):

For the first time in my life, my body said, "No" to something I was planning to do. This was a big surprise in the midst of playing competitive soccer (yes, over-40 soccer still has some intensity) and "conquering" hills in my training rides with no symptoms. I began to see this as a metaphor for my life as I live by the attitude of "I'm going to do what I plan to do." For my bike trip, I even had the fleeting thought of doing it anyway and monitoring my blood pressure along the way--discontinuing if need be. I began to hear the Spirit speak to me questioning how much I seek the will of God and His direction for my life and ministry. Philippians 1 and 2 were scriptures upon which I have focused lately. Paul prayed, "May your love abound more and more (my focused pursuit of daily, ongoing relationship with my Lord) in knowledge and depth of insight so you might discern what is good..." I feel challenged to live by greater discernment of God's good for my life, family, church, community, and world.

Another aspect to all of this was worry and fear. This is one of my weak links in life. The one symptom I have been feeling recently is heart palpitations--stronger beating than normal. For me, worry intensifies when I feel this strong beating and wonder what's going on in my 'ticker'.
This is especially true when laying in bed with no distraction. Also, going in to Rite Aid and testing my blood pressure on one of their machines and just waiting for the verdict to appear.
"Will it be too high?" This has led to some intense prayer sessions and reciting of God's promises--sometimes alone and sometimes with April. It's been good training in learning to trust and put my life in the hand's of a faithful God. This may be a little blip in my health timeline or maybe something more significant will appear (up to this point, testing has shown nothing unusual except for my blood pressure). No matter what, do I trust that God has a plan for my life and His kingdom purposes in any and all circumstances? Will I respond faithfully?

In the midst of some of these concerns, we heard a fellow pastor reflect on 2 Corinthians 1:
God is the Father of compassion and the Lord of all comfort. Paul had dire struggles, even to the point of despairing of life, so that we might not rely on ourselves, but on God who raises the dead. He has delivered...and we have set our hope that he will deliver. The preacher proclaimed that God's comfort is a "transformative" comfort, not just a pat on the back. We are changed as we trust God through our struggles. Dallas Willard, in "Divine Conspiracy" suggests that an even better translation for the Holy Spirit as "comforter", is Strengthener. We are made stronger, more mature as we rely on God through struggles.

One evening as I sat overlooking Blue Marsh Lake and the sunset, I was struck with the question, "What is causing the restlessness in my heart (beyond the physical)?" This was modified into the question, "What is smothering joy and peace in my life?" This is on ongoing question I am asking along the way. Romans14: 17 became a helpful verse, "For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating or drinking, but of righteousness, joy, and peace in the Spirit."
Lord, may that arise in my life in new ways.

Finally, I appreciated the focus on our convention in Columbus--Breathe in and be filled.
A key scripture was from John 20 when Jesus entered the room of a fearful group of disciples on resurrection morning and offered them "Peace." But that was not the full extent of what he offered. He also breathed the Spirit upon them and sent them out--just as the Father has sent me, so I send you. Much of what I have written about in this blog is about me . But God wants to do much more than just give me joy and peace. I am sent by my Lord, Jesus, to be a witness of the Kingdom of God-- Inviting people to find and share in the life that is offered us through Christ--to find forgiveness and freedom from sin and shame, to be accepted fully by God as His child, to walk in obedience, to proclaim and live for righteousness and justice, to demonstrate grace and mercy, to point to the Truth, to trust in resurrection--hope for God's glory and setting things right forever.

Thanks for patiently wading through this to the end. I should have blogged along the way. It's been helpful for me to write out my reflections and experiences to clearly see how the Spirit has faithfully spoken into my life. What are you hearing?

Pastor Steve